


Alexithymia

by 88138a



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Emotions, Falling In Love, Feelings Realization, Friends to Lovers, Hair-pulling, Holodecks/Holosuites, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Romantic Gestures, big gay, hehe only a bit though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-05-20 21:55:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14902746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/88138a/pseuds/88138a
Summary: “You often seem to forget that I have no emotion, Geordi.”“You always say that, but I don’t think I’ve ever believed you."A story of cute (secretly romantic) gestures and impulsive kissing. :)





	Alexithymia

**Author's Note:**

> _I do not feel pleasure. I am only an android._ -Data, _The Most Toys_ (3x22)

“You often seem to forget that I have no emotion, Geordi.”

“You always say that, but I don’t think I’ve ever believed you. There’s something there, Data. You feel concern for your friends, you’re eager to explore new ideas, you wish to be human, you have preferences for things. You can’t tell me there’s not some sort of underlying emotion there.” 

“I do not know the reasons for my varying reactions to certain experiences and stimuli, Geordi. But I was built to be emotionless, and I am.”

“I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, Data. See what I see.” Geordi sighed.

Data tilted his head slightly at the idiom, but continued to silently listen.

Geordi continued. “You know what I see? I see a man with the love, wonder, and curiosity of a child. I see someone who couldn’t see the glass half empty if he tried. I see someone who denies himself the opportunity to see his own emotion.”

“I-”

“Because he’s been told his entire life that he has none. Had no chance to think otherwise, to speak for himself.”

“But-”

“Do you think you have emotion, Data? Just your thoughts. Not anyone else’s.”

This time, Data hesitated. “I… do not believe so. I have never experienced emotion, but there is a chance that you are correct and it may just be that I am not aware of it. I have not recently had any significant experiences that could possibly provoke an emotional response, so I have no reference.”

“Well, we could always try and create an experience. On- on the holodeck, I mean. A simulation of something.”

Data nodded.

 

Over the next four weeks, the two tried everything to induce some sort of emotional response from Data, taking him to beautiful, ancient castles with worn flags still resting on the top, and empty, clean beaches with the tide just rushing in. The two of them sat on top of cliffs and watched the sunset, neither of them mesmerized by the sight. In particular, Data quite preferred stealing glances at his best friend, a sight he had begun to find much more beautiful.

Geordi showed Data magnificent gardens with flowers of every color and shape and size, buzzing bumblebees and rainbow butterflies swiftly darting past them. Even as Data bent down to smell what was the strongest smelling rose he had ever encountered, he felt nothing. All he could take in was the composition of the flower’s petals, the exact speed of the wings of bees that flew inches from his face, the precise angle the artificial sun was placed at in the bright blue sky. 

Geordi laughed with joy as a small orange butterfly landed on his shoulder. “Data, look! A monarch butterfly. These impressive little things used to migrate across North America, travelling thousands of miles just out of instinct. How cool is that? I wish I was that sure of myself.” He laughed again, looking up at Data.

Data watched as Geordi’s smile shone like a diamond, laughter lines surely becoming more prominent under his visor as he grinned. Geordi tentatively turned his head to look back at the butterfly, only for it to become startled and fly off. Data’s eyes stayed on Geordi while his gaze followed the monarch as it disappeared.

“They’re pretty easily scared, though. I don’t blame ‘em, I’d be pretty damn scared if I was that tiny.” Geordi smiled again.

Data had only stared, gaze softer than Geordi’s smile.

 

Despite Geordi’s concerned protests, Data eventually turned to the production of negative emotions. He created simulations of his worst experiences, dating all the way back to his years as a cadet. 

He watched Tasha’s lifeless body thrown through the air, head violently hitting the ground. He watched his father fade in front of him, each breath growing more ragged and each word becoming harder to say. He watched his best friend slowly lose himself, transforming into a terrified being of blue light. 

As his life practically flashed before his eyes, he felt no change.

But he would have been lying had he said that he had not used more force than necessary when telling the computer to end the simulation. That he did not feel as if the air in the room grew thicker, darker, more twisted. That he did not nearly storm out of the room, holodeck doors barely making way in time for his brisk, hurried walking.

And Geordi would have lied if he had said he didn’t grow curious after watching Data abruptly leave.

That he didn’t look over to see the next event in the simulation queue. Stardate 43662.5.

1255 hours.

 

“I do not understand the purpose of closing my eyes.” Data shut off his visual systems anyway, trying to give Geordi the benefit of the doubt. He closed his eyes as well, only to assure Geordi that he could not see.

“It’s to add suspense and surprise, an extra element to the experience! If you can’t see where you’re heading, you don’t know what’s gonna happen. It’s worth it. Follow me- Wait, can you still walk without, I don’t know, bumping into anything?”

“Most likely. However, I will be much less… graceful in my attempts.” Data’s eyes flickered downward for a fraction of a second, even though Geordi could not see this calculated response.

Geordi smiled and stifled a chuckle at the thought of his friend being anything less than perfectly agile. It was an amusing thought, his friend bumping into walls and getting all turned around and confused. Of course, this was Data. He’d undoubtably find a way to maintain his neat, perfect air of professionalism. 

“Do you need my help, or do you think you’ve got it under control?” Geordi asked, genuinely offering his help to the man beside him as they started to walk.

“I believe I have, ‘got it,’ Geordi. It has been a while since I have functioned for an extended period of time without sight, but I will be able to-” Data abruptly silenced as he, distracted by conversation, walked directly into the wall in front of him. He stumbled and took 0.894 unsteady seconds to try and stay upright, before falling backwards and almost hitting Geordi, who had witnessed the whole scene. As Data roughly fell on his back, he experienced what he could only describe as having ‘the wind knocked out of him.’ He took a few deep breaths and he was back to normal. “Remarkable. That has never happened before,” he mused, hardly aware he was talking out loud.

“Maybe you should let yourself see for the rest of this walk,” Geordi muttered, embarrassed at what he now considered to be ill-judged advice.

Data slowly stood up, his expression mirroring what would be called slightly unnerved and disgruntled if he were anyone else. “No. I wish for this experience to be optimally… enjoyable.”

Geordi sighed. “If you’re sure.”

“I am. The walk is quite short, so I doubt that will happen again. However, I will need to hold onto your arm or shoulder so that I am more certain of where I am going. Are you alright with that?”

Geordi took longer to respond that time. His face grew faintly warmer and he nodded, before remembering that Data was oblivious to his confirmation. “Yeah, sure.”

Data gently took Geordi’s hand in his, much to Geordi’s surprise, and the two walked down the corridor. Geordi beamed with contentment.

 

Data did not know why he had chosen to hold Geordi’s hand, given that his shoulder would have been a more sturdy, reliable option. And he certainly could not let go now, at risk of offending Geordi.

But he did not dislike the situation he had put himself into. He squeezed his hand slightly tighter, just enough pressure to be noticeable. Yes, he did not dislike this at all. Geordi’s hands were soft, but slightly rougher in some areas where working in engineering had formed nearly unnoticeable callouses, or on his palms where tiny scars laid, likely from previous missions.

His skin was warm, and Data could feel his pulse through his hand, though only barely. Steady but fast, Geordi’s heartbeat thumped against Data’s pale hand, a contrast against his dark skin. 101 beats per minute. Understandable, considering they were walking quite briskly. But there was something else. Geordi’s hands were slightly clammy, and he had seemed almost nervous ever since-

“We’re here! Don’t open your eyes yet, Data.”

Geordi’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts, followed by the distinct opening of holodeck doors. His careful grip on Geordi’s hand continued to be reciprocated, much to his… satisfaction. Nothing more.

Geordi pulled him forward, and Data recognized sand beneath his feet. “Geordi, you have already taken me to-”

“It’s not a beach, Data. It’s, well… Open your eyes.” The excitement in Geordi’s voice couldn’t be missed by anyone, even Data.

With an almost imperceptible twitch of the head, Data’s visual sensors instantly switched on and he opened his eyes. Silently, his eyes scanned across the view.

He blinked in mild surprise as he looked over the unusual terrain. 

Orange sand with small stripes of black and white formed distant hills, covering land for miles. The pattern reminded him of Spot. He scooped up a handful and let it trickle between his fingers. It was… different somehow. His memory files accessed ‘kinetic sand.’ He momentarily raised his eyebrows, intrigued and amused. He turned his attention back to the landscape. 

Ravens flew gracefully through the sky and gold roses with lime green tips grew in large, randomly placed patches on the sand. Golden butterflies and sparkling, iridescent bees flew hurriedly around the flowers. The sky was an unnaturally deep blue, the only dim light coming from lighter blue clouds. There was no sun in sight. 

Giant sand dunes were each tipped with golden snow, shining waterfalls flowing from the melting snowflakes. The water pooled into sparkling ponds and rivers stretching across the terrain. Rainbows shot out from each hill, all of which curiously lacked the color purple. 

“So… what d’ya think?” Geordi seemed to be slightly nervous, maybe anticipating something. However, Data did not know how to follow.

“I… do not recognize this planet. May I ask where we are?”

Geordi laughed, much to Data’s confusion. “Up until a few days ago, I didn’t recognize this place either!”

Data tilted his head. “You are saying… that you have _created_ this place.”

“That’s right! And it took a hell of a lot of effort, too. The sand took forever to get right. Had to look at that damn cat too many times to remember the pattern correctly,” he joked. Pointing, he guided Data to look at the roses. “See, those are your eyes. And those ravens,” he pointed again, this time to the sky, “are like the ones you painted, the ones from your earliest dreams.”

Geordi animatedly explained each fine detail of this spectacular world he had created. Essentially, it was a world for Data. Of Data. This place _was_ Data. It was what Geordi saw in him, brought to life, made into an entire planet. Geordi had created this special little place just for him. Because he _cared_ about him. Because he was his friend. Because he wanted to help him.

“And these… Data, are you okay?”

Data’s head jerked to face Geordi, unaware he had ever lost focus. “I am fine. Please, continue.”

Geordi quirked an eyebrow and smiled again, possibly a teasing grin. He laughed a little, too, the sound ringing out of him like Christmas bells, like the songs he would so flawlessly play on the violin. His pearl-white teeth flashed at him again, reflecting the dim light off of the clouds, and _oh, he was so beautiful._ He could hardly feel Geordi put his hand on his left shoulder. How had he ever been so lucky as to find a friend like-

“Data, seriously; are you alright?”

Data shook his head quickly. “I… do not…”

Geordi frowned. “Let’s get to-”

“Wait,” Data anxiously interjected, turning to face Geordi.

Before Geordi could figure out what was happening, and before Data could truly analyze his thoughts, their lips were pressed together, and Data was right, his lips _were_ as soft as his hands, and Geordi almost, _almost_ pulled back in shock but he didn’t, instead leaning into the kiss, and Data’s hand cupped his face. 

Data let out a quiet half-sigh, half-moan as the kiss deepened, and he pulled away, surprised.

Geordi only smiled. “Data, I think we achieved our goal. Just not in a way that was expected.”

Data nodded, eyes sparkling with mirth. “Definitely not expected.”

This time, Geordi pulled him in for a kiss, a bit forcefully, and even with Data’s incredible strength he allowed himself to be pulled in. Data gasped softly as Geordi’s fingers tugged very gently on his hair, sending odd sensations through his body. Not quite pleasure, not quite pain… But he had never experienced either, so there was no reference to go on.

But it felt… extraordinary. Overpowering, almost. Data pulled only inches away, Geordi’s breath hot on his lips. “G-Geordi, I do not... I cannot… I have never kissed someone like this, someone who I genuinely felt for… I believe I am-” 

“Overwhelmed?” By this time, the two had left slightly more space between them, holding each other’s hands in a sort of mutual comfort.

Data nodded, head swimming with thoughts. “I believe that these sensations were not available to me until I was able to obtain the emotion that matched. Oddly enough, Geordi, it is you yourself who has helped me find emotion… without the emotion chip.”

“That’s gotta mean something, right?” Geordi gave a lopsided grin.

Data smiled in return, slight but visible. “Geordi, may I ask you something?”

“Anything you want.”

“Why do none of the rainbows have purple in them?”

Geordi raised his eyebrows slightly, clearly not expecting the question. “Well, um,” he cleared his throat. “It… it’s kinda stupid, but I just… Remember a while back when that Fajo guy kidnapped you and we all thought you were dead and, well, I didn’t anyway, I knew you were alive, but either way I missed you and, well, when you got back and you were in that purple outfit... Ever since then, that color just… hasn’t sat well with me. And I figured it might not with you, either. Maybe that was a bit selfish, but-”

“No,” Data interrupted, effectively stopping Geordi’s rambling, “it does not ‘sit well with me,’ either.” Data took another look around. “Geordi, what you have created here is truly remarkable. Thank you.”

Geordi almost worried that if he smiled any wider, his face would split.

Data smiled too, the unfamiliar reaction still strange to him. He leaned in again, the distance closing faster than expected when Geordi met him halfway. He could feel Geordi smiling into the kiss and it sent a peculiar fluttering sensation through his chest. 

He decided he did not dislike this situation, either.


End file.
